Most of you have read the note regarding the “incident” with my Dad’s ER visit this past week. I am happy to report that he appears to be back to his old self and as his Facebook status says, is going “full steam ahead.” There is still a battery of medical tests that he will be put through over the next few days, but my family and I are very grateful that he has not experienced any further chest pains or difficulty breathing.
While we were being driven to the hospital my mind wandered to last week Thursday when my Dad and I “slacked off” for the evening and watched The Godfather, (which was posted on 66stage.com) on my laptop. It was the first time that my Dad had watched the film and it had been a while since I had seen the film the whole way through. Marlon Brando’s performance as Mafia boss Vito Corleone forms the foundation of this family epic.
While we were being driven to the hospital my mind wandered to last week Thursday when my Dad and I “slacked off” for the evening and watched The Godfather, (which was posted on 66stage.com) on my laptop. It was the first time that my Dad had watched the film and it had been a while since I had seen the film the whole way through. Marlon Brando’s performance as Mafia boss Vito Corleone forms the foundation of this family epic.
As we neared the end of the film, I could see my father moved by a particular scene where the aging Vito is advising his son Michael (played by a very young Al Pacino) soon after the “strings” of power have been given to him. Vito’s presence of mind is deteriorating and he struggles to offer words of wisdom to his sympathetic son. He laments the fact that Michael has to now carry the burden that used to be his and he wishes that he had done more to prevent it.
“There just wasn’t enough time,” the elder Corleone says with deep regret in his voice.
My Dad remained silent throughout the scene but I could tell he was lost in thought. I wondered if he was recalling a moment we had shared a year ago in my sister’s basement apartment. His visits to Toronto tended to be focused on spending time with his grand son so I often did not get a lot of one on one time with him. But this particular evening it was just him and I.
Quietly he began to tell me intimate things about his life. Regarding his actions as a young man, the years he had served the church, and even as my father, these confessions were full of self reflection and remorse. But this was not the sort of remorse that destroys a man, rather remorse that was born of wisdom gained through trial and the falling from grace that comes with error. The vulnerability he allowed me to be a part of that night made me feel awkward because it was difficult to see how human my father was. And yet his humanity also comforted me because it showed me that life wasn't about regretting mistakes but learning from them. Furthermore, trying to live a better life in the next moment is what defines a good life.
Time is a trickster. I truly believe it is not as linear as we engineer it to be. Moments that mean the most, disappear in the next blink of an eye. We often do not fully realize the impact they leave till they are long gone. However, it is not as if we can hold on to these moments. They come, go, and are beyond our locus of control. As we grow, we can only hope to savor them to the fullest when they are here.
I am grateful that the possibility for more moments spent with my Dad has been granted to me. I am not ready to let him go. I only hope that nothing blinds me or blocks me from appreciating the time we have.
"We'll get there [Dad]. We'll get there."
“There just wasn’t enough time,” the elder Corleone says with deep regret in his voice.
My Dad remained silent throughout the scene but I could tell he was lost in thought. I wondered if he was recalling a moment we had shared a year ago in my sister’s basement apartment. His visits to Toronto tended to be focused on spending time with his grand son so I often did not get a lot of one on one time with him. But this particular evening it was just him and I.
Quietly he began to tell me intimate things about his life. Regarding his actions as a young man, the years he had served the church, and even as my father, these confessions were full of self reflection and remorse. But this was not the sort of remorse that destroys a man, rather remorse that was born of wisdom gained through trial and the falling from grace that comes with error. The vulnerability he allowed me to be a part of that night made me feel awkward because it was difficult to see how human my father was. And yet his humanity also comforted me because it showed me that life wasn't about regretting mistakes but learning from them. Furthermore, trying to live a better life in the next moment is what defines a good life.
Time is a trickster. I truly believe it is not as linear as we engineer it to be. Moments that mean the most, disappear in the next blink of an eye. We often do not fully realize the impact they leave till they are long gone. However, it is not as if we can hold on to these moments. They come, go, and are beyond our locus of control. As we grow, we can only hope to savor them to the fullest when they are here.
I am grateful that the possibility for more moments spent with my Dad has been granted to me. I am not ready to let him go. I only hope that nothing blinds me or blocks me from appreciating the time we have.
"We'll get there [Dad]. We'll get there."
2 comments:
You're such a good writer - you need to invite Bear to read your blog, too.
Darmokjilad@gmail.com
Love you, sibling!!
J
Romil, your blog is such simple and profound prose. I enjoyed your characterization of the Godfather (yours) compared to the Godfather (Brando). This is the way of good writing: we see the commonplace as beautiful and miraculous.
I just came back to work after taking a break for coffee and reading my new book, PresentationZen, by Garr Reynolds. He follows simple concepts of design and the book is a perfect example of his concepts. I think you'd like it. Thanks for your blog!
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