The bike had become and integral part of my life. I even had a special spot at work to park it and people came to know as the guy who biked till he absolutely could not. I found this ironic because I had let weather dictate things back in the early days. How far I have come since then. The price of maturity can be steep sometimes and I had a lot of growing up to do yet.
I got laid off during the early months of 2007. My company was going through an upheaval after being taken over by a bigger company. I had put 4 years of my life into this workplace and even though it was probably time to move on, it was hard to let go of something familiar. Through the help of a friend, I found work soon after. However, even though I was making more than I had before, I found it hard to adjust to the new place.
My only consolation was my bike. I enjoyed racing to the closest subway train station after work, getting off in downtown area of Toronto, and racing over to my girlfriend’s place. (she had moved there at the end of 2006.) I enjoyed the predominantly Portuguese neighborhood where she lived and cycling around the bike friendly side streets. She had gotten a Sirrus too and we would spend time exploring the Lakeshore area together. I had learned to live in these flashes of existence and it was then that I was truly happy.
I got laid off during the early months of 2007. My company was going through an upheaval after being taken over by a bigger company. I had put 4 years of my life into this workplace and even though it was probably time to move on, it was hard to let go of something familiar. Through the help of a friend, I found work soon after. However, even though I was making more than I had before, I found it hard to adjust to the new place.
My only consolation was my bike. I enjoyed racing to the closest subway train station after work, getting off in downtown area of Toronto, and racing over to my girlfriend’s place. (she had moved there at the end of 2006.) I enjoyed the predominantly Portuguese neighborhood where she lived and cycling around the bike friendly side streets. She had gotten a Sirrus too and we would spend time exploring the Lakeshore area together. I had learned to live in these flashes of existence and it was then that I was truly happy.
What a contrast to how I felt at work. There I felt lost and without any real direction. A few years ago I would have considered this job to be my dream job. I would have bought into the materialism, greed, and general self-indulgent attitude my co-workers seemed to embrace. But something had changed in me. An awakening. I wanted my life to be simple. As simple as it felt on my bike.
Tragedy struck a few months later when I was on visit downtown. I returned to the bicycle hitch post where I usually chain my bike to find it missing. I felt the ground give way and my spirit broke. Although my girlfriend was there to console me, I knew that we too were having problems, and this event only added to my fear that things were slowly turning against me.
My bike had been a symbol of defiance against the challenges of life. After the car accident, that pretty much guaranteed that I would not be able to drive for at least 5 years, it had been my way of finding the positive in the bad. When I needed to clear my head or get way from it all, I had hopped on my bike and within a few minutes I would feel better. Now all that was gone.
My bike had been a symbol of defiance against the challenges of life. After the car accident, that pretty much guaranteed that I would not be able to drive for at least 5 years, it had been my way of finding the positive in the bad. When I needed to clear my head or get way from it all, I had hopped on my bike and within a few minutes I would feel better. Now all that was gone.
I managed to soldier on for a few more months but my heart began to give way. It was no surprise to me when my boss called me into the boardroom and informed that my position had been terminated. Soon after my girlfriend informed me that our relationship was over, I realized that I was also tired of fighting to hang on to what we had.
I needed to get away so I made the decision to move to Alberta to not only pursue my grad degree but also to clear myself. It has not been an easy process. But I am learning how to live again.
This morning I took a ride with my Dad. The weather was nice enough so that I rolled the window to stick my hand into the wind. As I let unseen hands play with my fingers I could feel my heart begin to race just a bit. I could almost sense the need returning.
The need to ride the wind.
(To be continued…)
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