Blessing Rains!

There are struggles that lie ahead and there are those that lie behind. The last few weeks have been quite weary with so many impending changes occuring in my life. But as my wife and I spent some time in the heart of Banff today picking up some food from the Bison and the Salt Lick, I couldn't help but relax and simply enjoy our time together.

After picking up our tasty meal, we took a few moments to visit a bikestore that my wife had noticed a few weeks ago and I admired the bikes that were on display. This is Banff so they were mostly mountain bikes (full suspension models) from Giant. However on the wall overhead were a selection of Cervelo Tri-bikes. Very nice product indeed.

After doing the commuter/bike messenger thing in Toronto I still love hybrids and I lean more toward speed models such as Trek's Portland or the Gary Fisher Mendota. Which is why I'm really excited about the the updated Cannondale Bad Boy line which now offers a 26 inch speed model. Essentially everything I did to the my 2005 Specialized Sirrus Sport Disc back in 2006 has been done to the stock Bad Boy but now with the capability to go offroad with simple swtich to knobby tires. Result: my new dream bike!

Tess and I are slowly but surely settling into our Condo here in Banff. I am still amazed that we found this wonderful place and that God has made it possible for us to live here. I am still very touched by the generousity of our neighbors and I know without them we'd have to struggle that much more to make it. I only hope we can repay them by giving our humble service in return should they need it.

I am a bit envious that my Dad is in Toronto spending some time with my younger sibling. I really wish that Tess and I could be there to attend the Bramalea Church Anniversary. I know that members of the worship team of WBFM as well as the soon to be new Corpus couple will be there to lead the afternoon worship service. Music: truly one of the things I miss from the T. dot.

I believe one day we will indeed reunite and the good times shall return. God is faithful and merciful. He continues to bless and to fulfill His plan on His schedule and if anything patience and faith have been rewarded consistently.

I pray for everyone tonight and I pray we continue to strive to draw close to Him.

My love goes out to you and

may the Blessing Rains never cease to fall!

Where a Line Becomes a Bridge...

There are no sides.

This little tidbit of wisdom came from a conversation I had with my younger sibling this evening. How true. Centuries of war would have been negated had humanity transcended and risen to a higher plane of existence by grasping this simple truth. Muslim would share with Hindu. Buddhist and Christian would walk side by side along the path. And peace would rule the West Bank.

Does this mean I am abandoning my faith? On the contrary, I think if one grasps the truth about God’s love, one would see that all are loved by Him. Over time many have passionately claimed that “God is with us”. God is indeed with us and for us.

But that means ALL of us.

The greater truth is that He is even there for those who choose not to believe in Him! He will not take away your power to choose but the gate is open yet.

For God so love the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that
Whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have eternal life!

John 3:16

[For those who argue about a genderless God. You do have a point. The Bible lists the characteristics of God and “He” possesses both male and female qualities. ]

My point is that God does not choose sides. Why should we?

Closer to home…

It is so easy for us to be sucked up into a world, an environment, and popular culture that seems to encourage mistrust in the guise of promoting self-esteem and the power of the individual. In short, we live in a very me centered world.

It is no wonder that many relationships are going through tough times. By this I don’t only mean marital or romantic relationships but friendships as well.

Maybe it’s a subconscious thing but we are so quick to pick an opponent, the bad guy; our nemesis.

Hidden in one of the most violent yet moving films I have ever seen is a kernel of truth that destroys this notion…

“Victims aren’t we all.” - Brandon Lee, The Crow.

The truth is we have all have wronged in and been wronged. There is no one perfect amongst us. No one deserves to sit in the seat of judgment.

Judgment is not the answer anyway. I submit that mercy and forgiveness are.

By no means is this a passive suggestion. I do not condone hiding wrong. These must be addressed.

But should vengeance be replaced by mercy.
Should anger be overcome by forgiveness.
Should the line drawn in the sand
be replaced by a bridge.

Then a ray of hope
Can indeed conquer the darkness
And become the light
Of day.

Tour Reflections and Dreams of 3D Flight...

Hey all!

I would like to start this blog entry off with my thoughts and reaction to the 2009 Tour De France. So here we go…



I think the best guy won. Alberto Contador is a rider with the God-given talent, physical makeup, and discipline to assume the mantle of #1 in the world. I say this not only because he has once again proven himself in the Tour De France, but also because he has won the Giro and the Vuelta as well. This sort of performance echoes the accomplishments of Eddy Merckx (for you newbs, Eddy is considered by many to be the greatest rider in the history of the sport) more so than Lance Armstrong’s 7 Tour wins.

Speaking of Lance, one cannot discount his 3rd place performance. In a sport where most people peak in their late 20s seeing this guy throw in a ride like this at age 37 is still commendable. Granted he had an amazing team and director behind him but the talent that exhibited itself at age 21 is still there.

I think the real show down will come next year when each of these riders will have their own respective teams. I hope that Alberto will have the equal support that Lance Armstrong will have with Team Radio Shack. Lance will have the help of Andreas Klöden and Levi Leipheimer who are both awesome riders in their own right. I wonder where Alberto will go.

Here is an idea… Why not get Bjarne Riss to resurrect team CSC and get all the members from the 2004 squad like Jens Voigt, Bobby Julich, and Ivan Basso to support a Contador Effort? This was team that took on U.S. Postal during the Lance Armstrong 7 year reign and nearly beat him!

Anyway I’ll be tracking these guys through the onset of next season in anticipation for what should prove to be a kick ass tour next year.

Hobby Update



While cruising Youtube I stumbled upon some R.C. Helicopter flying videos that totally blew me away. Advances in carbon fibre manipulation, and electronics have produced machines that are capable of jaw dropping aerobatics. While many often say the sky is the limit, the well-seasoned pilots who guide these machines demonstrate that this arena may in itself have no boundaries.

It used to cost an arm and leg to simply own a hobby grade helicopter but I was surprised that pro level machines like the carbon fibre based Walkera Creata 400 are quite reasonably priced. This all got me thinking of signing up for a new hobby.



I’ll fill you all in on what I’m discovering about it through my research online and at the local bookstores. I figure I should be as informed as I can be before I invest anything into it...

Ice, Antidote, Siblings, and Other Precious Things...

So I finally got to see the Columbia Ice-fields with my wife and few of her friends this past weekend! Needless to say I was blow away by the shear majesty of the Athabasca glacier. As the pictures depict, I think I was a pretty crazy because I had to be the only dude on the ice wearing shorts! I think this is further evidence that I am truly adapted to being a Canadian now.

For those of you who have considered taking the H1 to H39 drive to Jasper… I highly recommend it. This is a journey where you will not only enjoy the ride but also the destination. I enjoyed our stops at Lake Louise, Lake Peyto, and especially the Athabasca! My only recommendation is that you take a decent car on your trip that can handle some of the steep climbs into the mountains.

In other news…

Stage 15 of the 2009 Tour De France is complete and Alberto Contador has made a powerful impression by attacking during the tail end of the stage and separating himself from 2nd place Lance Armstrong by a margin of 1 minute 37 seconds. This is big enough of a lead to all but guarantee a win for him in Paris.

I respect Lance Armstrong’s accomplishments. He has left a lasting impact on the world of cycling that is evident in the technology used in the sport, the way teams are run, and the training involved in getting ready for a race. Much like Greg Lemond during his time in the early 90s, Lance brought change to the cycling world and his contributions will be felt for years to come.

But now it is Alberto’s time and I think he deserves to win. He has proven that he isn’t scared to stand up to his rivals even though they might be his idol Lance Armstrong. He has won the Giro and the Vuelta. He is the real deal!

And...

I’m working on my first sermon in a few years. I will be preaching this Sabbath at the Canmore Seventh-Day Adventist church and the title of my sermon is “The Antidote”. I ask for those of you out there who know the valley of decision that I am to pray for me as I take this important step to answer an important question...

Also…

I’m praying for you younger sibling and all my family as well. May God bless you with a long life filled ith promise and purpose!

Really finally…

I love you my dear wife and I’m praying that the plans that we are making will be fulfilled. I AM blessed to have such an amazing person in my life! I AM the lucky one!

Fall Fitness 2009...

My boss reminded me yesterday that our location would not be open today till 1 pm due to Westerner Days (as far as I know it is Red Deer's own little version of the "Stampede"). I was happy about this because it meant I'd have a free morning and this would be short work week. A short work week means more opportunity to get other things off the ground.

This summer has flown by and fall is really just around the corner. The transition from our wedding through to the campmeeting has practically eaten up the summer. While I took some time to recover, it is now time to get down to business and and really focus on what comes next. I cannot really say anything more on the subject until I have some concrete plans but I'll be sure to do so once I do!



I've been keep track of this year's Tour De France mainly because Lance Armstrong is back racing. I've kept track of Lance's racing career since about 2002. I have a number of books authored by him and others that cover his story. He was one big reason I got back into cycling in back in 2006. During that turbulant year between 2006 and 2007, I must confess that the happiest moments I experienced were on the back of my bike and I gobbled up everything that was Lance.

Lance is doing well and even if he does not win the overall tour I think he will place high in the general classification. That is pretty amazing for a 37 year old rider who has not ridden for 3 years. This year there are others who deserve to win including Alberto Contado and Levi Leipheimer who both ride for Lance's Team Astana. I would be happy to see both do well.

There is a hunger in me that simply wants to be back on the bike and also back on the road of health. I made great strides when I first moved out here last year but a few things have stalled that progress. I believe more than ever, I need to be strong and healthy.

ANYWAY! =) More later! Oh... and a quick shout out to the siblings! Love you and miss you!!!

Just Call My Name...

So the last two weeks have sort of been chill for me. I haven't done much except enjoy a few DVDs and surfing the net during my time off. The weekends I've spent with my wife and even those have been a bit low key. I guess we're in recovery from the buildup and execution of our wedding.

Meanwhile the world has truly suffered a great loss with the death of Michael Jackson. Whether one turns on the TV, radio, surfs the web, or grabs the newspaper he is the source of all the headlines. While I think it is right to acknowledge and pay respect to the man and his talents, I find it equally sad that there are people out there who are exploiting him even in death.

I was also a bit more saddened when he was brought up amongst church members recently and a certain pastor's wife complained that on the night following his death she couldn't find a channel which was not broadcasting something about it.

"I wish they woudn't broadcast that crap!" She said disdainfully." Why are we paying so much attention to a sick and disgusting man."

I kept silent mostly because I was truly horrified at the way she said those words. I have no relationship to Michael and I am certainly not a hardcore fan but there is no reason to be this disrespectful of any human being. Whether this lady realizes it or not Michael is a member of the human race and thereby is also a child of God. If anything his passing is a stark reminder that death comes to us all and the results of sin scar everyone. Some of us are fortunate to hide these scars within. I believe it is poignant that Michael wore his on the outside and we as a world were often repulsed by them.

My parents were very conservative when I was growing up. I could only listen to the Heritage Singers and other religious groups. But the one pop song they allowed me to listen to was We are the World. The lyrics spoke of hope and a longing to join together to heal wounds. As Christians we know that this will never come to fruition before our Lord's return, but while we are here, it is something worth striving to be a source of healing to those we come into contact with. I believe my parents realized the intent of this song and respected it.

There is a video posted on Youtube which captures the recording studio session where Michael lays down his tracks for We are the World. The tape is raw and unedited. In it we see a young man who is full of joy, life, and indeed hope. There is also an uncanny sense of innocence coupled with the willingness to work hard and a desire to please. I saw the same energy in the kids I worked with during my time at WBFM in Brampton, Ontario. There is indeed a thin line that seperates us all.

I have often wondered why God made the penalty for sin so harsh. Death. But recently I realized that even in this God shows his mercy. Death is peace. No longer does this man have to suffer from the demons that have troubled from within and without. He is also spared the further horrors that he would have brough upon himself through the numerous plastic surgeries that he self inflicted. I honestly believe he would have continued to walk down that dark path were he to continue living. No one wants to grow old and face the march of time in the mirror. Especially a person who never truly believed he was beautiful.

Rest in peace child of God. Those of us left behind soldier on. Maybe the best lesson we can learn from you is that while we are here, despite our pain and suffering, let it be our purpose to uplift others to a better and brighter place.

Just like you did.

Birthday Musings...

There was a time when I thought my life would be all together at the age of 25. Well here I am, almost a decade later, on my birthday, and I am laughing at how things have turned out. One can honestly try to predict what the future may hold but diverting from pre-conceived ideas is not necessarily a bad thing.

Due to work schedules Tess and I won’t be able to celebrate my birthday in person today. But we plan to a bit of this coming weekend. She did give me a call around lunch time to wish me well which was really nice. I miss her.

Instead Mom, Dad, and I did lunch at the Red Deer Buffet and I had my fill of standard Chinese food. Yum. I have to admit that the oatmeal raisin cookies they serve there are really quite good. I think that it is a mission of mine to identify all the places that serve the best oatmeal raisin cookies. I love ‘em.

No birthday cake this year but while window shopping in Bower mall this afternoon I had myself a Cinnaroll to mark the occasion. Again, yum!

No real presents to speak of but my mom pointed out, as my Dad and I stopped by RBC (Royal Bank of Canada) to deposit some money, that Tess and I should be proud that we paid off our wedding with little to no assistance form outside sources. I hadn’t thought about it but she was right and I do feel good about that.

This past year has been full of change. Although truly tough at times, I am glad to report that it has all been good in the end! Now I feel the winds of change blowing again and I think I’m very excited about that. Tess and I have plans and I think they are good plans.

We pray every night that we are led in the right direction and that we fulfill God’s purpose in each of our lives as well as our lives as a couple. Friends, family, and one to love for the rest of my life. What more could a guy ask for on his birthday?

I Surrender All...

Tess and I are still very much overwhelmed by the love that we received from so many people at our wedding. It amazes me that my wife is loved by so many people and we can only hope that we can return the love somehow!

The wedding is a beginning. No matter how special and it was, it still is just that… A beginning. As we look forward to the future, things seem a bit overwhelming. But I think we have bolstered by the tremendous support that our loved ones have given us and also the blessing that God has poured out on us.

I have been thinking about legacy and purpose over the months that I have been here in Alberta especially as it pertains to my family. I know now that any true meaning that my father gained out of his existence was because of dedication to a life of service to God.

I have shared this with my wife and she has thrown her support behind me. In fact her excitement over the prospects of such a focus has encouraged me. I will leave things at that for now, and let events unfold in their proper time.

On the Sabbath evening before our wedding my sister, Addison and I snuck up to the Alberta Conference offices and held an impromptu rehearsal to put together a short version of the song “I Surrender All”. In about an hour we had a sweet little version set up with Addison doing the lead in vocals and me holding up the tail end with a sax solo.




The song has significance to Tess and I because early on in our relationship we made it our theme song. While at that time we jokingly said that the reason was that we were learning how to surrender to each other as a couple, there is now a return to the original connotation of surrendering all to God.


Tess had no idea that we were going to perform the song. Hence the tears. I too choked up myself. It is now probably the most memorable moment for me in our entire wedding.

We can only move forward in life and I do so, my wife at my side, and hope in my heart.

Music From The Soul

Thank you for playing.
That was beautiful.
I can hear the feeling in your music.

The only thing that I noticed about Ronnie that morning was that she was holding her sweater close to her chest.

She was probably just feeling cold.

My attention flickered. I shifted to Tess who was suffering from a headache and I took her hand and stroked it in an attempt to offer a means of comfort. I too was feeling drowsy after having driven late into the night right after a long day’s work. I could barely focus on what was happening at the front of the church.

I had been asked to play and my saxophone was warmed up and ready for action. I had listened to the demonstration track repeated on the road the night before so the tune was annoyingly planted in my head. I play what I hear. In the absence of real-time sound, I play what has been embedded in my brain. So much for musical technique…

A moment later it was my turn. I attempted to quiet and centre myself in the middle of the room. I focused upwards and hoped the sound would follow.

I blew.

While one plays an instrument, and they are in true form, I believe there is a seamless conduit that exists between their soul and the music. Only about a third of the time during my playing history have I been in true form. My mind, often my ally now an enemy, often blocks the conduit.

This was one of those times.

I knew exactly what the problem was. It really isn’t about how well you play but rather if your heart is in the music. Not my words but certainly my sentiment. It is extremely difficult to finish a song you know is going poorly but I pushed on.

It was over before I knew it and walked quietly back to my seat.

After the service Ronnie approached me and reached out her hand. Despite the hustle and bustle around us I now knew something was off. She seemed frail. Her handshake felt lifeless.

Thank you for playing.
That was beautiful.
I can hear the feeling in your music.

And then she was gone.


“Romil do think you can do me a favor?”

I turned.

“Yes Sharmaine. What is it?"

“Do you want to join us in a prayer circle?”

“Sure for what exactly?”

“Ronnie. I don’t know why she didn’t stay home. She just had final surgery last week… for breast cancer. ”

My Top 7.

For every reason I should be writing this latest blog about the progress Tess and I have made in our wedding plans. And we have indeed made tremendous progress towards making sure everything is in place for our big day. But I think the few nuptial morsels I’ve posted on here and on FACEBOOK should suffice and there is much to be said about leaving a lot of it in the realm of surprise.

Instead, let us talk about movies! For starters, I am a confirmed movie freak. I am the kind of person who will go to the theatre by myself to catch a flick even if no one wants to tag along. In fact some of my fondest memories of my university years involved sneaking off in my beloved Camry for some quality time watching flicks at the Ready Theater in Niles, Michigan.

The following is a reflection on the 7 movies that have influenced me the greatest.

7. Ben – Hur (1959)
For all you Gladiator and Braveheart fans you cannot say that you are fans of big epic films without recognizing Ben –Hur . This is Charlton Heston at his finest and the way a sweeping story should be told. Yeah you may knock the pompous dialogue and the lack of digital effects but the pivotal chariot race, (all live action folks everything is real) still stands as one of the greatest action sequences ever recorded on film.

6. Akira (1988)
Akira proved that Anime was on a whole different level than your Saturday morning cartoons. The story explored themes of spirituality, friendship, and betrayal as well as a subtle exploration of Japan’s recovery from the effects of nuclear fallout. And while we are quite a bit away from 1988, Kaneda’s bike still rocks! Next to the Ducati 916 it is still one motorcycle design that has stood the test of time.

5. Stealing Home (1988)
Now in my 30s I think the impact of this movie is far greater than when I first became a fan after seeing it for the first time in 1990. Jodie Foster and Mark Harmon help tell this classic coming of age story about a boy and his childhood babysitter. Years later upon discovering she has died from apparent suicide he begins a sentimental journey into his past in order to find out what he is going to do with her ashes. This movie will always be a landmark in my life because it was the last movie I watched with my friends in Fresno before my family’s life changing move to Toronto. The David Foster soundtrack offered me much comfort during that trying time.

4. Gattaca (1997)
This is a movie I actually love to watch during a rainy day or when I am feeling overwhelmed by my life. While many praise this film for humanizing the issues revolving around genetic research and pre-determination, I enjoy this movie because it uplifts the idea of overcoming despite seemingly insurmountable odds. It has been a few years since I’ve seen and I think it is worth a review. Uma Thurman is luminous in this film.

3. Elizabethtown (2005)
This instantly took me in because it revolves around a character who has failed miserably as a designer followed by a notice that his estranged Dad has died. What follows is a journey back to his roots to rediscover the essence of life is about. Along the way we experience music, a road trip through small town USA and of course Clair. I think every man should findtheir Clair.

2. The Matrix (1999)
I cannot believe it has been 10 years since this movie first came out. When Trinity first leaps into the air and the audience experiences “bullet-time” for the first time, my imagination was awakened and this movie was the foundation of my motivation to excel in my in education in digital arts. I miss that time when I felt free to create and explore without limitation. Incidentally it was the first DVD I first bought!

1. The Godfather Part III (1990)
Many critics say this movie should have never been made because it is inferior to the first two. In that sense I would have to agree. But I love this chapter for 2 reasons. 1. It was the first of the trilogy that I saw and I was pulled into the story that was indeed about family. 2 . The scene on the staircase during the final moments of the movie where Don Corleone (Al Pacino) holds his dead daughter (Sofia Coppola) in his arms and lifts his head in silent scream of anguish…

I cry every time I see this scene.

To Learn A Song and Craving the Road...

I’m learning how to play the song “Heal the Wound (But leave the Scar)” originally performed by Point of Grace. Basically I’m pumping the music into my brain via my MP3 player powering my new Phillips SHE9700 High Definition Ear Canal Monitors. High powered ear bud earphones in other words with natural outside noise cancellation properties. Not exactly Shure quality (industry standard) but good enough for a guy who can’t shell out $200 for ear buds at this point in his life.

I set the song to repeat and let just let it play over and over again until I catch it playing in my head the next day. Embedding no? I now have the melody in my mind which I can then “feel” as I play my saxophone. This might be an unconventional way to learn how to play a song but I find it works. Also it speeds up the learning process and I only have a few days to come up with an instrumental version of the song because I’m playing it this coming Sabbath for church.

It is now that time of year when the mornings are crispy, sunny, and the air is new. That can only mean one thing: it is time for the cycling community to hit the road! I can’t express in words how envious I am when I see a “kitted” out cyclist in full flight on the side of the road. I think this envy grows even more when I am in Banff and I know these individuals are riding some of what I consider to be the best roads in North America.

There is a stretch of road that winds around Lake Miniwanka that I am totally craving to ride. (This is the stretch where Tess and I took our pseudo engagement pictures.) This road is awesome to drive on and the views are indeed breathtaking but I can only imagine that the experience is increased 100 fold when you do on the back of a performance bicycle.


I have a made the vow that before I leave Alberta, I will do that stretch on a high performance road bike. I figure if you simplify your life to simple and straightforward goals such as this one, you have a greater chance of accomplishing them.

Anyway I am going to “fire up” the saxophone for a good hours practice before I do my daily workout.

One

Irritation of The Taco Deprived...

Everyone who knows me knows that I have a love of Mexican food. I think I gained this love during my years in Fresno, California. Of course to truly appreciate Mexican food you gotta be close to the source and we sure were during those Cali days.

Having said that, Taco Bell is a poor replacement for the real deal but it does suffice when I get the craving for all things... Well... Taco... The Nacho Supreme is pure genius! I even have to thank Majoire Santos for turning me on to original creations like the Crunchwrap which I love in both the beef and chicken versions! I still miss those weekend runs to the Taco Bell over there in Brampton, Ontario with the WBFM crew.

I was really quite shocked when I realized that Red Deer does not have a Taco Bell! Horrors! But then Dad informed me that we had Taco Time... I laughed because being a closet Kim Possible fan, I knew that her and Ron Stoppable would chill at a local establishment by the same name.

"So there really is a Taco Time?"

Many people claim that Taco Time is better then Taco Bell but I dunno.... I kinda like the latter better. But with the absence of the former... I'm finding a few dishes that I dig on. Hey a place that puts out light tortilla chips with a generous serving of guacamole and sour cream gets an A in my grade book.

So when Tom showed up at Budget a month or so ago I was instantly intrigued when he informed me that he was the manager of the Taco Time in town. This was during the time when we were first implementing the Wizard rental system and every possible technical issue that could go wrong did. I could tell Tom was itching to get himself on the road and thankfully I realized that even though we had him reserved for a mid size car, we had none available so it meant a free upgrade to an SUV. He was genuinely surprised and quickly forgot about his long wait.

Fast forward to last Wednesday. I was having a tough day. Our supervisor, a person I'm really having a tough time working with of late, (Cue voice of mom. "She is your sanctification!")
was being extra difficult and I was literally counting the minutes till I could escape for home. Tom shows up and once gain he is reserved for a mid size and once again all I have to give him is an SUV. This time he is even more pleased because I just made his 2 week trip to the States that much more fun filled especially for his kids. (The SUV had a DVD and Playstation hookup in the back.)

"You like Mexican food Romil?"
"Yes sir I do!"
"Well let me hook you up with free meals at Taco Time!"
"Right on bro!"

The rest is Burrito history...

Well the sabbath is fast approaching and I'm thankful that I've got today and tomorrow off. It gives me a chance to relax and realize that there is more to life then getting up for work at 6 am and dealing with difficult people. It amazes me how God can truly love all of us when we truly are at times an unlovely bunch. Honestly when I first think about this reality it is usually motivated by the ugliness I seen in others. But to truly be real, a lot of the ugliness comes from me too.

Heavy thoughts at the tail end of this blog entry. But to tie it in to the early lightheartedness: I am glad He gives us light moments to break up the growth stages of our lives. I'm grateful that God fully realizes how to motivate us and grant us the hope we need to press on when we need it.

A lot can be drawn from a free Taco!

So That I May See Your Face...

Being around photo albums and a basement full of old memories often causes me to reflect on the last 33 years of my life. Sadly this reflection is filled with regret. I chide myself for wasting so much precious time on insignificant pursuits. Love of the wrong person, a field of study I had no business pursuing, and financial irresponsibility. There are many.

The same thing happens when I’m assigned wash bay duty at work. I wonder how a guy with two university degrees can end up brushing dirt from the carpet of cars and mopping muddy floors.

What is even worse is realizing just how it all happened.
No one to blame but me.

My father has been gently offering insight into my thoughts by reacquainting me with the things that promote self worth and personal value. He is quick to point out that it is the simple things, (the tiny details that we tend to neglect because we think that these are the things that waste time) that over time will make the difference.

I listen, I digest.
I’m scared it won’t work.
I don’t know if I have it in me.

Then the words of comfort come.
The One who has been there since the beginning speaks.


I am valued by Him.

The beauty of the value that God places on us is that it is not based on anything we can do – rather it is based one truth. We are His children. Simply being his child means we have a purpose, possess incredible value, and are loved enough to motivate the greatest sacrifice a parent can ever make…

The death of His beloved son…

As Tess and I make plans for the future there are more questions then answers. Many hills block the promise land.

I often cannot see your face because darkness blocks the light.

But then I pray.

I pray you remember the little boy who lay in the field many years ago with his dog at his side. His eyes looked heavenward and his hands reach out to grab a passing cloud that resembled a hand.

Your hand.

And you promised you would never let me go.

Picture: Natalie Kalovoda Subject: Calvin & Lily

The Hopia Chronicles

“You know dear, even if I’m mad at you and I feel like giving up, you should know just because I’m mad doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I always love you! I really really love you!”

People are asking about details. Simply put, these are the words that won my heart.

This Life

I was awakened this morning to what sounded like my Dad coughing up a lung. He was recently diagnosed with bronchitis and has been house bound for the past week. Another victim of the harsh Alberta winters which are known for their sub 30 degree temperatures, I know he will recover but it will take time.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon in Calgary training in accident and damage identification and reporting. Something our trainer said stood out from the rest. She said, “It’s all about how you play the game.” Later she reprised this by saying, “You have to play the game.”

My heart sank a little bit when I heard this. I guess I grow weary of the preverbal game we do play in order to survive while working towards actually thriving. We all do it. We all have our role. In the end that means there is no one to blame.

I have seen people with so much potential to be individuals with good character, falter and sellout in order to protect themselves or the ones they care for. (Come to think of it the latter is still closely related to the former.) I do not sit in judgment but rather point the finger more harshly at myself. For I have done so many a time.

“I still haven’t found what I am looking for.”

So goes one of my favorite U2 songs. There is a powerful message in the lyric. But it also begs for a follow up question. “What are you looking for?” And even deeper, “is what you are looking for, what you should be looking for?” Finally, “what should we be looking for?”

Last night, as my fiancé and I were internet conferencing over Yahoo, we were sobered by recent events in our families: the sickness of my Dad, an accident involving her brother Dante, and also the financial challenges that lie ahead for both of us. “Itong buhay.” She sighed.

“This life.”

Indeed.

I think about my two sisters and their struggles especially raising young children in this day and age. I wonder about my niece who is has the characteristic “headstrongness” of a Daquila female family member. I also wonder about my nephew who is way too insightful and smart for a kid. I marvel how my sisters find it in them to face the unknown knowing that they have to be responsible not only for themselves but the future generation who are here today.


Keep your chins up! I love you!

Outside the world corrupts and destroys itself more and more each day.

It may seem sappy or even cheesy. In the dramatic build of things it almost seems anticlimactic. But true inner reflection shows us the simple truth. We do need God in our lives.

I need Him.

"Finish what you have started for I cannot do this alone."

Be with me.
Guide me.
Help me.

1 Year Later...

Well its time to jumpstart this blog again after a few months of neglect. I am kind of kicking myself in the ass because of it because when I was faithfully keeping a regular schedule with it I did notice an improvement in my writing. Practice makes perfect.

Back in Fresno during the late 80s my sister Lily and I used to be fans of a radio program called Unshackled. This was a classic radio drama which focused on stories of conversion. I remember that each week the individual whose story was being dramatized would reach a cross roads where they would need to “to face themselves and think.”

I remember during my last few months in Toronto I spent little time in front of the mirror. I slept a lot and lived off of breadsticks from Domino’s Pizza. I wasn’t a very happy person and I felt I had gotten stuck in a rut with no way of getting out. I’m a person who early on realized that there is a difference between simply existing and really living. I was just existing.

I would like to say that being out here has completely turned my life around in such a dramatic way much like the people on that old radio program but instead, I must confess that I am still very much in process. There have been many changes. I now know that I want to do something completely different with the rest of my life. I have rediscovered my love of music and reconnected with my saxophone. I now understand my parents more and much of the “why” for a lot of the unexplained events in my life. I can appreciate how hard work can be and that you really do need to work hard for what you have. However, no matter how hard we work, we will always be dependent on God. And finally, I have rediscovered love and it has rediscovered me.

As my fiancé (!) and I enjoyed a lazy Sabbath afternoon this past weekend in Banff, there was a moment when I lay opposite her on a couch and I was able to watch her intently focus on something she had surfed to on Youtube. She was so into it and her face was unguarded betraying her emotional connection to what she saw. Her eyes caught the light coming from the screen and seemed to glow. While I wasn’t even a part of this moment I felt so close to her and felt like I had experienced intimacy with the one I love.

Lord knows there are struggles ahead. I pray intently for strength. But I also praise Him for the blessings that He has given me over the past year. I pray He finishes what He has started so that we may both one day look back on the journey and simply breathe a sigh of contentment and satisfaction over the road traveled to reach here…

Nuptuals and The Maturity of Inspector Calahan

It is so rare these days that I get to sit in front of the computer and sum up my thoughts and musings. But here I am trying to assemble a blog entry to post online. Much has happened in the past little bit and here are some brief reflections on said events.

2009 has been the year of weddings. Just this past weekend I attended another one. This one was in Banff and I got to play two sax solos for the event. I was thrilled to meet the Honorable Judge Robin White who performed the ceremony and directed me in my blocking for my performance. Apparently this was big deal because said judge and the father of the groom (a wealthy Japanese business man) were very much upper tier on the social circuit in Banff.

Other than meeting the judge I enjoyed the food, (surprisingly, the highlight dish was the potatoes! I had thirds.) Horsing around with the MC’s son Glenn, (dude I really don’t think “Beautiful” by James Blunt is appropriate for a wedding!) And paying $3.00 for a can of Pepsi at the bar! (The waitress was eyeing me for a tip. Yeah I dropped another 2 bucks for that can!)



Tess had to work early in the evening the next day so after church I headed back to Red Deer early. Besides pushing the Fusion’s V6 and the car to speeds in excess of 140 km (North of 80 mph for you American readers! Something you don’t want to do unless you have a great handling car on Highway 1 in the winter!) I took the short cut around Calgary through Cochrane and Airdrie and made it back to Gasoline Alley (just before Red Deer) in about 2 hrs and 15 minutes. I arrived “early” at about 6:30 pm. So I figured I’d catch a movie at the Galaxy.

I bought a ticket for Grand Turino starring Clint Eastwood. Clint plays a character named Walt who is a Korean War veteran that has deep seated prejudiced views about Asians. These prejudices are a brought to the surface when Hmong family moves in next door. Tao, a teenage boy, is a member of said family and is shy and unassuming. Events escalate between Tao and Walt when the former is forced to steal Walt’s prized Grand Turino in order to be accepted into a local Hmong gang.

This is said to be Clint Eastwood’s last movie as an actor and as my status on Facebook alludes, it is a wonderful way to go. Once scene in particular stands out. It is when Su, Walt’s new Hmong friend and sister to Tao (yes the dude warms up to Asians in his way) is being harassed by black street gang and the aged yet still menacing Walt comes to her rescue. I couldn’t help but compare this to famous “Do you feel lucky punk” scene in Dirty Harry. It seems that cinema has matured and having Eastwood here is proof.

Obama, The Pope, and Hopia...

The CNN presentation of news is a prime example of “news as entertainment.” In my opinion events such as the inauguration of the first African American president should stand on their own merit. No need to hype them up with graphics, music and an anchor’s delivery that is akin to a sportscaster giving the play by play in finals game. Imagine the MLK "I have a Dream" speech being preceded by “Now live from Washington! At the Lincoln Memorial! Dr Martin Luther King! Let’s get ready to rumble!” Cue graphics. Cue James Earl Jones. “This is CNN.”

Anyway.

While I’m a little turned off as to how CNN is tracking the first few days of the Obama Era, I have to confess that I am highly interested in how the man is doing. Like many others I was captivated by his “audacity of hope” speech, moved by the simplicity and straightforwardness of his announcement that he was indeed running for president (caught that one on Youtube), and “yes we can!” I find myself cheering for the lanky dude!

(Lincoln was lanky too… hmmm… coincidence… I think not…)

However.

While the focus seems to be on the “but ifs” and “what ifs” should his leadership fail, I wonder what would happen if his efforts proved to be a resounding success. What if the man almost single handedly rescues the United States (of course the rest of the world and Canada would benefit from this) and thereby solidifies the land of the red, white, and blue as the one true world superpower.

Tie the above with the recent news that Vatican has detached itself from the oversight of the Italian government and asserted its own self rule. This essentially gives the church the jurisdiction to make its own laws and govern itself autonomously. Furthermore Pope Benedict has issued an edict that declares that salvation is now only possible through membership to the mother church and void from any other denomination. Both actions are merely formalities on attitudes long held by the Vatican. However, making it official does make one wonder.

So.

Connect the dots.

On a lighter note...

The Hopia era is coming!

Are you ready?

The Road to Forever Peter and Patricia...

I feel like a bum for taking a day off even though I am also proud that this is the first sick day I’ve taken from work ever since I started. I do plan to go back to work tomorrow and I am mentally preparing myself to “get back into the war”.

Yesterday I was irritated by the fact that my co-worker informed that we’d have to do double runs to Calgary in order to bring back two trucks that were needed for customers this morning. I was already feeling the creeping in of a sore throat and head cold so I just wanted to go home. My only incentive was that she informed me that I’d be driving a Ford Fusion down that needed to be sent “out of fleet”. I perked up because I love Fusions.

Now I am generally not a domestic car fan. I don’t know whether it’s genetic or a result of conditioning but I definitely fit the cliché of an Asian who is into imports. I love the last generation M3, the new Nissan GTR, and taking my younger sister’s Corolla out for a spin is a fun thing. However few realize that the Ford Fusion is based on the architecture of the current generation Mazda 6. So technically it isn’t really an import just a hybrid of sorts. You know how I like the concept of “hybreeding” a la my Specialized Sirrus Sport.

Anyway I had to take back the unit to Budget’s distribution center because it was going “out of fleet.” This basically means that it was slated for retirement and would either face the fate of being returned to the dealership it had been leased from or sold at an auction. Budget loves having brand new cars to rent out. This amazes me because the odometer on this car only read 17,500 km on it and it drove just as well as some of the units that we have that have only 400 km on them. I had personally chosen this unit when on two trips to Banff and enjoyed the way it inspired confidence even during slippery conditions.

There is something almost spiritual about taking a performance car out on a highway run. I don’t know if it is the feel of the suspension as it adjust to the road conditions, the whirr of the engine as you effortlessly climb up the gears or the tunes playing on a decent stereo system. Heck its all the above when it comes to the Fusion.

I am at peace as I drive even though my heart races.

Peter and Patricia

Enough about cars…

I’d like to take a moment to offer congrats and blessings to Peter and Patricia as they tie the knot this coming weekend back in Toronto. I have observed this couple throughout various stages of their relationship (I was there the night they met!) and I can say with complete confidence that they were meant for each other.

Peter has been a loyal and trustworthy friend ever since my days at Crawford back in the early to mid 90s (are we that old dude!?) I am sure I speak for more than myself when I say that he is truly a person you can count on to come through when you need his help. Without him I don’t know how I would have survived my first few years back in Toronto. I am forever grateful to him for that time!

Patricia is a perfect match for Peter’s positive outlook on life. Here is a woman who shows what it means to “stand by your man.” Peter is known for his long distance runs across Ontario to meet his familial obligations and Patricia has been his constant and supportive companion.

Overtime the vibe between this two has matured and grown. There is an air of knowing that they are a part of something built on a foundation of trust based on experiences shared together. It is not so much that they are smitten by each other (even though they are!) but rather the calm of something that is meant to last.

Tess and I regret that we will not be able to make it out this coming weekend to join in your celebrations. We have talked about coming out but right now our responsibilities here in Alberta are preventing us from taking any time off to do so. Seems 2009 is off to a running start and we are trying to be prudent in our decision even though events like your nuptials are sadly missed.

We do hope to meet up with you in the future. But for now nothing but the best blessings and wishes are sent from us out here in the west. May all the happiness and joy that you share with others be returned a hundred fold throughout your lives together.

And So We Begin Again...

So my gear is all set for tomorrow and the trip I’m going to take with my Dad to Edmonton. The second of January is on its way out and I’m realizing that the New Year has come and gone without some needed reflection.

This was a subdued passing and rightly so for I spent it caring for my invalid girlfriend who was experiencing flu, a sore throat, and an elusive sinus infection. I think it was the first time she had gone through this ordeal (or rite of passage if you will) and I felt deeply for her.

Earlier in the day (the 31st) my boss and asked me to do favor for him. He wanted me to drive a 5 ton truck south to Calgary in exchange for the free use of a vehicle over New Year’s Eve. I had been debating whether to visit Tess since I was trying to save money. But when I learned that she was sick, I had reserved a car and was prepared to suck up the expense. Hence I jumped at the Zach’s proposal.

Later perched in the cabin of the near semi sized transport truck I gaze out on the frozen landscape that stretches both east west on both sides of the Albertan highway. The term “magnificent desolation” crept quietly into my thoughts even though a massive diesel engine propelled the beast forward through the blowing snow. I smiled at the emptiness because it seemed to bring peace to my soul.

I’ve been year less than a year and yet so much has transpired especially in the past 6 months. This is my “great adventure” this is my “great unknown” and I feel alive even though I have no clue what is around the corner. All I know is that the more I embrace challenges especially having to do with things I thought I’d never do in my life (sell rental contracts, drive semi trucks, and brave Alberta weather) … yeah the more I feel alive.

New Years Day would be eventful with Tess taking a turn for the worse and us ending up in the emergency room of the only hospital in Banff. We would have to deal with a Doctor prescribing medication that would be too strong for her and her vomiting so violently that she’d have to be put on an I.V. in order to restore the nutrient she had lost during the episode. I held her hand through it all and she squeezed it tightly with both trust and fear as she looked at me… And we survived.

I would then find myself driving home to Red Deer in near blizzard weather thankful that the free rental I had gotten was a Dodge Ram 3500 4x4 quarter ton truck that kept a steady pace through the snow and whiteout conditions. Again I would survive and end up home safely.

I think of my friend Karl and our late night conversations during my basement days in Andrews. I wonder what he would think about all this. For sure one of the things I learned from his brief life is that you can never be sure about where your life will take you or how much time you have. Here one moment gone the next. So passed Karl.

The Lord chose to take him at that time and I trust He knew what He was doing. For some reason I feel like my fate will be different. I believe I am meant to see things and I pray learn from them. For what ultimate purpose? I have yet to find out.

But till then, the saga continues.