Music From The Soul

Thank you for playing.
That was beautiful.
I can hear the feeling in your music.

The only thing that I noticed about Ronnie that morning was that she was holding her sweater close to her chest.

She was probably just feeling cold.

My attention flickered. I shifted to Tess who was suffering from a headache and I took her hand and stroked it in an attempt to offer a means of comfort. I too was feeling drowsy after having driven late into the night right after a long day’s work. I could barely focus on what was happening at the front of the church.

I had been asked to play and my saxophone was warmed up and ready for action. I had listened to the demonstration track repeated on the road the night before so the tune was annoyingly planted in my head. I play what I hear. In the absence of real-time sound, I play what has been embedded in my brain. So much for musical technique…

A moment later it was my turn. I attempted to quiet and centre myself in the middle of the room. I focused upwards and hoped the sound would follow.

I blew.

While one plays an instrument, and they are in true form, I believe there is a seamless conduit that exists between their soul and the music. Only about a third of the time during my playing history have I been in true form. My mind, often my ally now an enemy, often blocks the conduit.

This was one of those times.

I knew exactly what the problem was. It really isn’t about how well you play but rather if your heart is in the music. Not my words but certainly my sentiment. It is extremely difficult to finish a song you know is going poorly but I pushed on.

It was over before I knew it and walked quietly back to my seat.

After the service Ronnie approached me and reached out her hand. Despite the hustle and bustle around us I now knew something was off. She seemed frail. Her handshake felt lifeless.

Thank you for playing.
That was beautiful.
I can hear the feeling in your music.

And then she was gone.


“Romil do think you can do me a favor?”

I turned.

“Yes Sharmaine. What is it?"

“Do you want to join us in a prayer circle?”

“Sure for what exactly?”

“Ronnie. I don’t know why she didn’t stay home. She just had final surgery last week… for breast cancer. ”