I Surrender All...

Tess and I are still very much overwhelmed by the love that we received from so many people at our wedding. It amazes me that my wife is loved by so many people and we can only hope that we can return the love somehow!

The wedding is a beginning. No matter how special and it was, it still is just that… A beginning. As we look forward to the future, things seem a bit overwhelming. But I think we have bolstered by the tremendous support that our loved ones have given us and also the blessing that God has poured out on us.

I have been thinking about legacy and purpose over the months that I have been here in Alberta especially as it pertains to my family. I know now that any true meaning that my father gained out of his existence was because of dedication to a life of service to God.

I have shared this with my wife and she has thrown her support behind me. In fact her excitement over the prospects of such a focus has encouraged me. I will leave things at that for now, and let events unfold in their proper time.

On the Sabbath evening before our wedding my sister, Addison and I snuck up to the Alberta Conference offices and held an impromptu rehearsal to put together a short version of the song “I Surrender All”. In about an hour we had a sweet little version set up with Addison doing the lead in vocals and me holding up the tail end with a sax solo.




The song has significance to Tess and I because early on in our relationship we made it our theme song. While at that time we jokingly said that the reason was that we were learning how to surrender to each other as a couple, there is now a return to the original connotation of surrendering all to God.


Tess had no idea that we were going to perform the song. Hence the tears. I too choked up myself. It is now probably the most memorable moment for me in our entire wedding.

We can only move forward in life and I do so, my wife at my side, and hope in my heart.

Music From The Soul

Thank you for playing.
That was beautiful.
I can hear the feeling in your music.

The only thing that I noticed about Ronnie that morning was that she was holding her sweater close to her chest.

She was probably just feeling cold.

My attention flickered. I shifted to Tess who was suffering from a headache and I took her hand and stroked it in an attempt to offer a means of comfort. I too was feeling drowsy after having driven late into the night right after a long day’s work. I could barely focus on what was happening at the front of the church.

I had been asked to play and my saxophone was warmed up and ready for action. I had listened to the demonstration track repeated on the road the night before so the tune was annoyingly planted in my head. I play what I hear. In the absence of real-time sound, I play what has been embedded in my brain. So much for musical technique…

A moment later it was my turn. I attempted to quiet and centre myself in the middle of the room. I focused upwards and hoped the sound would follow.

I blew.

While one plays an instrument, and they are in true form, I believe there is a seamless conduit that exists between their soul and the music. Only about a third of the time during my playing history have I been in true form. My mind, often my ally now an enemy, often blocks the conduit.

This was one of those times.

I knew exactly what the problem was. It really isn’t about how well you play but rather if your heart is in the music. Not my words but certainly my sentiment. It is extremely difficult to finish a song you know is going poorly but I pushed on.

It was over before I knew it and walked quietly back to my seat.

After the service Ronnie approached me and reached out her hand. Despite the hustle and bustle around us I now knew something was off. She seemed frail. Her handshake felt lifeless.

Thank you for playing.
That was beautiful.
I can hear the feeling in your music.

And then she was gone.


“Romil do think you can do me a favor?”

I turned.

“Yes Sharmaine. What is it?"

“Do you want to join us in a prayer circle?”

“Sure for what exactly?”

“Ronnie. I don’t know why she didn’t stay home. She just had final surgery last week… for breast cancer. ”

My Top 7.

For every reason I should be writing this latest blog about the progress Tess and I have made in our wedding plans. And we have indeed made tremendous progress towards making sure everything is in place for our big day. But I think the few nuptial morsels I’ve posted on here and on FACEBOOK should suffice and there is much to be said about leaving a lot of it in the realm of surprise.

Instead, let us talk about movies! For starters, I am a confirmed movie freak. I am the kind of person who will go to the theatre by myself to catch a flick even if no one wants to tag along. In fact some of my fondest memories of my university years involved sneaking off in my beloved Camry for some quality time watching flicks at the Ready Theater in Niles, Michigan.

The following is a reflection on the 7 movies that have influenced me the greatest.

7. Ben – Hur (1959)
For all you Gladiator and Braveheart fans you cannot say that you are fans of big epic films without recognizing Ben –Hur . This is Charlton Heston at his finest and the way a sweeping story should be told. Yeah you may knock the pompous dialogue and the lack of digital effects but the pivotal chariot race, (all live action folks everything is real) still stands as one of the greatest action sequences ever recorded on film.

6. Akira (1988)
Akira proved that Anime was on a whole different level than your Saturday morning cartoons. The story explored themes of spirituality, friendship, and betrayal as well as a subtle exploration of Japan’s recovery from the effects of nuclear fallout. And while we are quite a bit away from 1988, Kaneda’s bike still rocks! Next to the Ducati 916 it is still one motorcycle design that has stood the test of time.

5. Stealing Home (1988)
Now in my 30s I think the impact of this movie is far greater than when I first became a fan after seeing it for the first time in 1990. Jodie Foster and Mark Harmon help tell this classic coming of age story about a boy and his childhood babysitter. Years later upon discovering she has died from apparent suicide he begins a sentimental journey into his past in order to find out what he is going to do with her ashes. This movie will always be a landmark in my life because it was the last movie I watched with my friends in Fresno before my family’s life changing move to Toronto. The David Foster soundtrack offered me much comfort during that trying time.

4. Gattaca (1997)
This is a movie I actually love to watch during a rainy day or when I am feeling overwhelmed by my life. While many praise this film for humanizing the issues revolving around genetic research and pre-determination, I enjoy this movie because it uplifts the idea of overcoming despite seemingly insurmountable odds. It has been a few years since I’ve seen and I think it is worth a review. Uma Thurman is luminous in this film.

3. Elizabethtown (2005)
This instantly took me in because it revolves around a character who has failed miserably as a designer followed by a notice that his estranged Dad has died. What follows is a journey back to his roots to rediscover the essence of life is about. Along the way we experience music, a road trip through small town USA and of course Clair. I think every man should findtheir Clair.

2. The Matrix (1999)
I cannot believe it has been 10 years since this movie first came out. When Trinity first leaps into the air and the audience experiences “bullet-time” for the first time, my imagination was awakened and this movie was the foundation of my motivation to excel in my in education in digital arts. I miss that time when I felt free to create and explore without limitation. Incidentally it was the first DVD I first bought!

1. The Godfather Part III (1990)
Many critics say this movie should have never been made because it is inferior to the first two. In that sense I would have to agree. But I love this chapter for 2 reasons. 1. It was the first of the trilogy that I saw and I was pulled into the story that was indeed about family. 2 . The scene on the staircase during the final moments of the movie where Don Corleone (Al Pacino) holds his dead daughter (Sofia Coppola) in his arms and lifts his head in silent scream of anguish…

I cry every time I see this scene.

To Learn A Song and Craving the Road...

I’m learning how to play the song “Heal the Wound (But leave the Scar)” originally performed by Point of Grace. Basically I’m pumping the music into my brain via my MP3 player powering my new Phillips SHE9700 High Definition Ear Canal Monitors. High powered ear bud earphones in other words with natural outside noise cancellation properties. Not exactly Shure quality (industry standard) but good enough for a guy who can’t shell out $200 for ear buds at this point in his life.

I set the song to repeat and let just let it play over and over again until I catch it playing in my head the next day. Embedding no? I now have the melody in my mind which I can then “feel” as I play my saxophone. This might be an unconventional way to learn how to play a song but I find it works. Also it speeds up the learning process and I only have a few days to come up with an instrumental version of the song because I’m playing it this coming Sabbath for church.

It is now that time of year when the mornings are crispy, sunny, and the air is new. That can only mean one thing: it is time for the cycling community to hit the road! I can’t express in words how envious I am when I see a “kitted” out cyclist in full flight on the side of the road. I think this envy grows even more when I am in Banff and I know these individuals are riding some of what I consider to be the best roads in North America.

There is a stretch of road that winds around Lake Miniwanka that I am totally craving to ride. (This is the stretch where Tess and I took our pseudo engagement pictures.) This road is awesome to drive on and the views are indeed breathtaking but I can only imagine that the experience is increased 100 fold when you do on the back of a performance bicycle.


I have a made the vow that before I leave Alberta, I will do that stretch on a high performance road bike. I figure if you simplify your life to simple and straightforward goals such as this one, you have a greater chance of accomplishing them.

Anyway I am going to “fire up” the saxophone for a good hours practice before I do my daily workout.

One

Irritation of The Taco Deprived...

Everyone who knows me knows that I have a love of Mexican food. I think I gained this love during my years in Fresno, California. Of course to truly appreciate Mexican food you gotta be close to the source and we sure were during those Cali days.

Having said that, Taco Bell is a poor replacement for the real deal but it does suffice when I get the craving for all things... Well... Taco... The Nacho Supreme is pure genius! I even have to thank Majoire Santos for turning me on to original creations like the Crunchwrap which I love in both the beef and chicken versions! I still miss those weekend runs to the Taco Bell over there in Brampton, Ontario with the WBFM crew.

I was really quite shocked when I realized that Red Deer does not have a Taco Bell! Horrors! But then Dad informed me that we had Taco Time... I laughed because being a closet Kim Possible fan, I knew that her and Ron Stoppable would chill at a local establishment by the same name.

"So there really is a Taco Time?"

Many people claim that Taco Time is better then Taco Bell but I dunno.... I kinda like the latter better. But with the absence of the former... I'm finding a few dishes that I dig on. Hey a place that puts out light tortilla chips with a generous serving of guacamole and sour cream gets an A in my grade book.

So when Tom showed up at Budget a month or so ago I was instantly intrigued when he informed me that he was the manager of the Taco Time in town. This was during the time when we were first implementing the Wizard rental system and every possible technical issue that could go wrong did. I could tell Tom was itching to get himself on the road and thankfully I realized that even though we had him reserved for a mid size car, we had none available so it meant a free upgrade to an SUV. He was genuinely surprised and quickly forgot about his long wait.

Fast forward to last Wednesday. I was having a tough day. Our supervisor, a person I'm really having a tough time working with of late, (Cue voice of mom. "She is your sanctification!")
was being extra difficult and I was literally counting the minutes till I could escape for home. Tom shows up and once gain he is reserved for a mid size and once again all I have to give him is an SUV. This time he is even more pleased because I just made his 2 week trip to the States that much more fun filled especially for his kids. (The SUV had a DVD and Playstation hookup in the back.)

"You like Mexican food Romil?"
"Yes sir I do!"
"Well let me hook you up with free meals at Taco Time!"
"Right on bro!"

The rest is Burrito history...

Well the sabbath is fast approaching and I'm thankful that I've got today and tomorrow off. It gives me a chance to relax and realize that there is more to life then getting up for work at 6 am and dealing with difficult people. It amazes me how God can truly love all of us when we truly are at times an unlovely bunch. Honestly when I first think about this reality it is usually motivated by the ugliness I seen in others. But to truly be real, a lot of the ugliness comes from me too.

Heavy thoughts at the tail end of this blog entry. But to tie it in to the early lightheartedness: I am glad He gives us light moments to break up the growth stages of our lives. I'm grateful that God fully realizes how to motivate us and grant us the hope we need to press on when we need it.

A lot can be drawn from a free Taco!

So That I May See Your Face...

Being around photo albums and a basement full of old memories often causes me to reflect on the last 33 years of my life. Sadly this reflection is filled with regret. I chide myself for wasting so much precious time on insignificant pursuits. Love of the wrong person, a field of study I had no business pursuing, and financial irresponsibility. There are many.

The same thing happens when I’m assigned wash bay duty at work. I wonder how a guy with two university degrees can end up brushing dirt from the carpet of cars and mopping muddy floors.

What is even worse is realizing just how it all happened.
No one to blame but me.

My father has been gently offering insight into my thoughts by reacquainting me with the things that promote self worth and personal value. He is quick to point out that it is the simple things, (the tiny details that we tend to neglect because we think that these are the things that waste time) that over time will make the difference.

I listen, I digest.
I’m scared it won’t work.
I don’t know if I have it in me.

Then the words of comfort come.
The One who has been there since the beginning speaks.


I am valued by Him.

The beauty of the value that God places on us is that it is not based on anything we can do – rather it is based one truth. We are His children. Simply being his child means we have a purpose, possess incredible value, and are loved enough to motivate the greatest sacrifice a parent can ever make…

The death of His beloved son…

As Tess and I make plans for the future there are more questions then answers. Many hills block the promise land.

I often cannot see your face because darkness blocks the light.

But then I pray.

I pray you remember the little boy who lay in the field many years ago with his dog at his side. His eyes looked heavenward and his hands reach out to grab a passing cloud that resembled a hand.

Your hand.

And you promised you would never let me go.

Picture: Natalie Kalovoda Subject: Calvin & Lily

The Hopia Chronicles

“You know dear, even if I’m mad at you and I feel like giving up, you should know just because I’m mad doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I always love you! I really really love you!”

People are asking about details. Simply put, these are the words that won my heart.