Leading, Following, and Chilling...

So I’m taking a few moments in the early morning hours of my day off to write up a blog. Yeah the month of July was pretty sparse as far as blogging is concerned. That’s largely due to the fact that I started working again and wow has that been a harsh adjustment for me but in the overall, a good thing.

Work has given me the opportunity to see what is out here in Red Deer and I’ve made quite a few trips to Calgary over the past 3 weeks as well. I cannot stress enough that I am totally out of element at work and here in this prairie province. They say that stepping outside of your element can actually be a self-defining experience for an individual. I totally agree.
Somewhere along the way I’ve definitely become a city boy. I miss the urban landscape and cycling through it on my bike. I realize now that even if I was to buy another car again, (and I plan too! Not sure about the Beemer Dream but definitely something fun!) I would still have a high performance bike that I’d use primarily during my work week. I guess everyone has a picture of their ideal life and this scenario is definitely a part of mine.

If God wanted me to face myself by orchestrating my life events to lead me to this place, the plan has so far been successful. I’ve had plenty of alone time to think about the decisions that I’ve made since moving back to Toronto in 02. Man was I ever immature and misguided and I feel that I am paying for a lot of my mistakes. But I honestly hope that there is a statute of limitations on the pay-back process. I hope that a man can truly turn his life around and have a better future with help from above. I hope that with forgiveness that there is truly also the existence of a second, third, and fourth chance. (I definitely need a few to get my shit together!)

It hasn’t all been horrible. I have been blessed every single day and in very humbling ways. I am discovering how much I appreciate my friends and how even when I am not the best to them, there are truly loyal ones who keep me in their lives and consider me to be essential part of them. My parental units have been there through it all and have showered me with undeserving love and support. I’m glad for this time with them. My siblings, despite the distance, stay a big part of my life as well, and I feel that we are closer then we have been in the past. In the end what can define a man more than whom he has in his life.

The Lord knows me and what is essential to me and what can change. I pray daily for the courage to embrace change should it happen but also that He gives me the security to know that I am going somewhere, I am needed, and that I matter. He knows my loves, my wants, and most importantly my needs better than I know myself. Reliance is part of the learning process.
I am still learning.