Driving the Beast

Life presents pivotal moments that define for us who we are and more importantly, give us a glimpse into whom we have the potential of becoming.

These thoughts were furthest from my mind as my work boot clad foot mounted the step up the side of a brand new 5 ton International cargo truck. In that moment all I kept telling myself was that I could do this and it all would begin with making it safely into the driver’s cabin.

Earlier my coworker Justin and I had been ordered to pick up the truck by our supervisor Liz. While I had been promised a debrief on the workings of these shadow of semi truck monsters weeks before, the look that Justin shot me let me know that this was going to be a sink or swim scenario. Justin doesn’t say much but his eyes speak volumes. He wasn’t driving. That left me.

I freaked out for a moment as I positioned myself in the captain’s style chair. Where the hell do you put the key? There was no slot to speak of on the right hand side of the steering wheel shaft. Come to think of it no gear shift lever either. I might as well have been handed over the controls to the Enterprise and been ordered to bring it to warp speed. [Ode to practically everyone in Toronto circa 94 who seemed to be a Trekkie!]

I was being hard on myself. I had done 3 contracts earlier in the day and I wasn’t happy with my salesmanship. I did find it humorous that a guy who had preached, done musical performances, and taught in front of large groups of people was a now a constant nervous wreak when dealing with customers. Somewhere inside I knew it had to do with confidence and belief. The weight of this type of awareness often compounds things. Case and point, even THAT realization was crippling.

The key slot was on the left hand side right beside the parking brake. The monster came to life and I faced the next challenge: backing the beast into a blind turn. As I coaxed the oversized steering wheel into what seemed an impossible turn, I could feel entire truck lean over as if there were was crowd of people in the trailer shifting all their weight to one side. "She is gonna capsize captain!"

Every morning I wake up to a prayer. I thank God for life. I thank Him for mercy. I thank him for bringing me here. I pray for wisdom. I pray for blessing. I pray for simple common sense. It is more than ritual; it is acknowledgement of my need for the essential and recognition that the source is greater than I.

Somehow I make it out of the parking lot and onto the main road without incident. Then I negotiate my first left hand turn through an intersection. Shoot out wide and then turn left. Later I make it safely pass a blocked lane and realize that mirrors are truly my friend in this venture. A bit later I pull into the Budget parking lot and successfully reverse into the trucks designated parking spot.

Perfect. ...Woo hoo!...