The Hopia Chronicles

“You know dear, even if I’m mad at you and I feel like giving up, you should know just because I’m mad doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I always love you! I really really love you!”

People are asking about details. Simply put, these are the words that won my heart.

This Life

I was awakened this morning to what sounded like my Dad coughing up a lung. He was recently diagnosed with bronchitis and has been house bound for the past week. Another victim of the harsh Alberta winters which are known for their sub 30 degree temperatures, I know he will recover but it will take time.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon in Calgary training in accident and damage identification and reporting. Something our trainer said stood out from the rest. She said, “It’s all about how you play the game.” Later she reprised this by saying, “You have to play the game.”

My heart sank a little bit when I heard this. I guess I grow weary of the preverbal game we do play in order to survive while working towards actually thriving. We all do it. We all have our role. In the end that means there is no one to blame.

I have seen people with so much potential to be individuals with good character, falter and sellout in order to protect themselves or the ones they care for. (Come to think of it the latter is still closely related to the former.) I do not sit in judgment but rather point the finger more harshly at myself. For I have done so many a time.

“I still haven’t found what I am looking for.”

So goes one of my favorite U2 songs. There is a powerful message in the lyric. But it also begs for a follow up question. “What are you looking for?” And even deeper, “is what you are looking for, what you should be looking for?” Finally, “what should we be looking for?”

Last night, as my fiancé and I were internet conferencing over Yahoo, we were sobered by recent events in our families: the sickness of my Dad, an accident involving her brother Dante, and also the financial challenges that lie ahead for both of us. “Itong buhay.” She sighed.

“This life.”

Indeed.

I think about my two sisters and their struggles especially raising young children in this day and age. I wonder about my niece who is has the characteristic “headstrongness” of a Daquila female family member. I also wonder about my nephew who is way too insightful and smart for a kid. I marvel how my sisters find it in them to face the unknown knowing that they have to be responsible not only for themselves but the future generation who are here today.


Keep your chins up! I love you!

Outside the world corrupts and destroys itself more and more each day.

It may seem sappy or even cheesy. In the dramatic build of things it almost seems anticlimactic. But true inner reflection shows us the simple truth. We do need God in our lives.

I need Him.

"Finish what you have started for I cannot do this alone."

Be with me.
Guide me.
Help me.

1 Year Later...

Well its time to jumpstart this blog again after a few months of neglect. I am kind of kicking myself in the ass because of it because when I was faithfully keeping a regular schedule with it I did notice an improvement in my writing. Practice makes perfect.

Back in Fresno during the late 80s my sister Lily and I used to be fans of a radio program called Unshackled. This was a classic radio drama which focused on stories of conversion. I remember that each week the individual whose story was being dramatized would reach a cross roads where they would need to “to face themselves and think.”

I remember during my last few months in Toronto I spent little time in front of the mirror. I slept a lot and lived off of breadsticks from Domino’s Pizza. I wasn’t a very happy person and I felt I had gotten stuck in a rut with no way of getting out. I’m a person who early on realized that there is a difference between simply existing and really living. I was just existing.

I would like to say that being out here has completely turned my life around in such a dramatic way much like the people on that old radio program but instead, I must confess that I am still very much in process. There have been many changes. I now know that I want to do something completely different with the rest of my life. I have rediscovered my love of music and reconnected with my saxophone. I now understand my parents more and much of the “why” for a lot of the unexplained events in my life. I can appreciate how hard work can be and that you really do need to work hard for what you have. However, no matter how hard we work, we will always be dependent on God. And finally, I have rediscovered love and it has rediscovered me.

As my fiancé (!) and I enjoyed a lazy Sabbath afternoon this past weekend in Banff, there was a moment when I lay opposite her on a couch and I was able to watch her intently focus on something she had surfed to on Youtube. She was so into it and her face was unguarded betraying her emotional connection to what she saw. Her eyes caught the light coming from the screen and seemed to glow. While I wasn’t even a part of this moment I felt so close to her and felt like I had experienced intimacy with the one I love.

Lord knows there are struggles ahead. I pray intently for strength. But I also praise Him for the blessings that He has given me over the past year. I pray He finishes what He has started so that we may both one day look back on the journey and simply breathe a sigh of contentment and satisfaction over the road traveled to reach here…

Nuptuals and The Maturity of Inspector Calahan

It is so rare these days that I get to sit in front of the computer and sum up my thoughts and musings. But here I am trying to assemble a blog entry to post online. Much has happened in the past little bit and here are some brief reflections on said events.

2009 has been the year of weddings. Just this past weekend I attended another one. This one was in Banff and I got to play two sax solos for the event. I was thrilled to meet the Honorable Judge Robin White who performed the ceremony and directed me in my blocking for my performance. Apparently this was big deal because said judge and the father of the groom (a wealthy Japanese business man) were very much upper tier on the social circuit in Banff.

Other than meeting the judge I enjoyed the food, (surprisingly, the highlight dish was the potatoes! I had thirds.) Horsing around with the MC’s son Glenn, (dude I really don’t think “Beautiful” by James Blunt is appropriate for a wedding!) And paying $3.00 for a can of Pepsi at the bar! (The waitress was eyeing me for a tip. Yeah I dropped another 2 bucks for that can!)



Tess had to work early in the evening the next day so after church I headed back to Red Deer early. Besides pushing the Fusion’s V6 and the car to speeds in excess of 140 km (North of 80 mph for you American readers! Something you don’t want to do unless you have a great handling car on Highway 1 in the winter!) I took the short cut around Calgary through Cochrane and Airdrie and made it back to Gasoline Alley (just before Red Deer) in about 2 hrs and 15 minutes. I arrived “early” at about 6:30 pm. So I figured I’d catch a movie at the Galaxy.

I bought a ticket for Grand Turino starring Clint Eastwood. Clint plays a character named Walt who is a Korean War veteran that has deep seated prejudiced views about Asians. These prejudices are a brought to the surface when Hmong family moves in next door. Tao, a teenage boy, is a member of said family and is shy and unassuming. Events escalate between Tao and Walt when the former is forced to steal Walt’s prized Grand Turino in order to be accepted into a local Hmong gang.

This is said to be Clint Eastwood’s last movie as an actor and as my status on Facebook alludes, it is a wonderful way to go. Once scene in particular stands out. It is when Su, Walt’s new Hmong friend and sister to Tao (yes the dude warms up to Asians in his way) is being harassed by black street gang and the aged yet still menacing Walt comes to her rescue. I couldn’t help but compare this to famous “Do you feel lucky punk” scene in Dirty Harry. It seems that cinema has matured and having Eastwood here is proof.

Obama, The Pope, and Hopia...

The CNN presentation of news is a prime example of “news as entertainment.” In my opinion events such as the inauguration of the first African American president should stand on their own merit. No need to hype them up with graphics, music and an anchor’s delivery that is akin to a sportscaster giving the play by play in finals game. Imagine the MLK "I have a Dream" speech being preceded by “Now live from Washington! At the Lincoln Memorial! Dr Martin Luther King! Let’s get ready to rumble!” Cue graphics. Cue James Earl Jones. “This is CNN.”

Anyway.

While I’m a little turned off as to how CNN is tracking the first few days of the Obama Era, I have to confess that I am highly interested in how the man is doing. Like many others I was captivated by his “audacity of hope” speech, moved by the simplicity and straightforwardness of his announcement that he was indeed running for president (caught that one on Youtube), and “yes we can!” I find myself cheering for the lanky dude!

(Lincoln was lanky too… hmmm… coincidence… I think not…)

However.

While the focus seems to be on the “but ifs” and “what ifs” should his leadership fail, I wonder what would happen if his efforts proved to be a resounding success. What if the man almost single handedly rescues the United States (of course the rest of the world and Canada would benefit from this) and thereby solidifies the land of the red, white, and blue as the one true world superpower.

Tie the above with the recent news that Vatican has detached itself from the oversight of the Italian government and asserted its own self rule. This essentially gives the church the jurisdiction to make its own laws and govern itself autonomously. Furthermore Pope Benedict has issued an edict that declares that salvation is now only possible through membership to the mother church and void from any other denomination. Both actions are merely formalities on attitudes long held by the Vatican. However, making it official does make one wonder.

So.

Connect the dots.

On a lighter note...

The Hopia era is coming!

Are you ready?

The Road to Forever Peter and Patricia...

I feel like a bum for taking a day off even though I am also proud that this is the first sick day I’ve taken from work ever since I started. I do plan to go back to work tomorrow and I am mentally preparing myself to “get back into the war”.

Yesterday I was irritated by the fact that my co-worker informed that we’d have to do double runs to Calgary in order to bring back two trucks that were needed for customers this morning. I was already feeling the creeping in of a sore throat and head cold so I just wanted to go home. My only incentive was that she informed me that I’d be driving a Ford Fusion down that needed to be sent “out of fleet”. I perked up because I love Fusions.

Now I am generally not a domestic car fan. I don’t know whether it’s genetic or a result of conditioning but I definitely fit the cliché of an Asian who is into imports. I love the last generation M3, the new Nissan GTR, and taking my younger sister’s Corolla out for a spin is a fun thing. However few realize that the Ford Fusion is based on the architecture of the current generation Mazda 6. So technically it isn’t really an import just a hybrid of sorts. You know how I like the concept of “hybreeding” a la my Specialized Sirrus Sport.

Anyway I had to take back the unit to Budget’s distribution center because it was going “out of fleet.” This basically means that it was slated for retirement and would either face the fate of being returned to the dealership it had been leased from or sold at an auction. Budget loves having brand new cars to rent out. This amazes me because the odometer on this car only read 17,500 km on it and it drove just as well as some of the units that we have that have only 400 km on them. I had personally chosen this unit when on two trips to Banff and enjoyed the way it inspired confidence even during slippery conditions.

There is something almost spiritual about taking a performance car out on a highway run. I don’t know if it is the feel of the suspension as it adjust to the road conditions, the whirr of the engine as you effortlessly climb up the gears or the tunes playing on a decent stereo system. Heck its all the above when it comes to the Fusion.

I am at peace as I drive even though my heart races.

Peter and Patricia

Enough about cars…

I’d like to take a moment to offer congrats and blessings to Peter and Patricia as they tie the knot this coming weekend back in Toronto. I have observed this couple throughout various stages of their relationship (I was there the night they met!) and I can say with complete confidence that they were meant for each other.

Peter has been a loyal and trustworthy friend ever since my days at Crawford back in the early to mid 90s (are we that old dude!?) I am sure I speak for more than myself when I say that he is truly a person you can count on to come through when you need his help. Without him I don’t know how I would have survived my first few years back in Toronto. I am forever grateful to him for that time!

Patricia is a perfect match for Peter’s positive outlook on life. Here is a woman who shows what it means to “stand by your man.” Peter is known for his long distance runs across Ontario to meet his familial obligations and Patricia has been his constant and supportive companion.

Overtime the vibe between this two has matured and grown. There is an air of knowing that they are a part of something built on a foundation of trust based on experiences shared together. It is not so much that they are smitten by each other (even though they are!) but rather the calm of something that is meant to last.

Tess and I regret that we will not be able to make it out this coming weekend to join in your celebrations. We have talked about coming out but right now our responsibilities here in Alberta are preventing us from taking any time off to do so. Seems 2009 is off to a running start and we are trying to be prudent in our decision even though events like your nuptials are sadly missed.

We do hope to meet up with you in the future. But for now nothing but the best blessings and wishes are sent from us out here in the west. May all the happiness and joy that you share with others be returned a hundred fold throughout your lives together.

And So We Begin Again...

So my gear is all set for tomorrow and the trip I’m going to take with my Dad to Edmonton. The second of January is on its way out and I’m realizing that the New Year has come and gone without some needed reflection.

This was a subdued passing and rightly so for I spent it caring for my invalid girlfriend who was experiencing flu, a sore throat, and an elusive sinus infection. I think it was the first time she had gone through this ordeal (or rite of passage if you will) and I felt deeply for her.

Earlier in the day (the 31st) my boss and asked me to do favor for him. He wanted me to drive a 5 ton truck south to Calgary in exchange for the free use of a vehicle over New Year’s Eve. I had been debating whether to visit Tess since I was trying to save money. But when I learned that she was sick, I had reserved a car and was prepared to suck up the expense. Hence I jumped at the Zach’s proposal.

Later perched in the cabin of the near semi sized transport truck I gaze out on the frozen landscape that stretches both east west on both sides of the Albertan highway. The term “magnificent desolation” crept quietly into my thoughts even though a massive diesel engine propelled the beast forward through the blowing snow. I smiled at the emptiness because it seemed to bring peace to my soul.

I’ve been year less than a year and yet so much has transpired especially in the past 6 months. This is my “great adventure” this is my “great unknown” and I feel alive even though I have no clue what is around the corner. All I know is that the more I embrace challenges especially having to do with things I thought I’d never do in my life (sell rental contracts, drive semi trucks, and brave Alberta weather) … yeah the more I feel alive.

New Years Day would be eventful with Tess taking a turn for the worse and us ending up in the emergency room of the only hospital in Banff. We would have to deal with a Doctor prescribing medication that would be too strong for her and her vomiting so violently that she’d have to be put on an I.V. in order to restore the nutrient she had lost during the episode. I held her hand through it all and she squeezed it tightly with both trust and fear as she looked at me… And we survived.

I would then find myself driving home to Red Deer in near blizzard weather thankful that the free rental I had gotten was a Dodge Ram 3500 4x4 quarter ton truck that kept a steady pace through the snow and whiteout conditions. Again I would survive and end up home safely.

I think of my friend Karl and our late night conversations during my basement days in Andrews. I wonder what he would think about all this. For sure one of the things I learned from his brief life is that you can never be sure about where your life will take you or how much time you have. Here one moment gone the next. So passed Karl.

The Lord chose to take him at that time and I trust He knew what He was doing. For some reason I feel like my fate will be different. I believe I am meant to see things and I pray learn from them. For what ultimate purpose? I have yet to find out.

But till then, the saga continues.