Dreams of Flight...

I often find it hard to acknowledge my human side even though it displays itself so prominently in the way I seem to deal with life’s challenges. This well, shrouded by doubt and rotting desperation, runs deep. I have feared that if it were somehow turned upside down, I would drown in a downpour of insane negative thoughts and emotions. I have learned to steel myself against the storm. Coldness is my new warmth. Yet the thoughts continue to invade the silence and I indulge them.

Is there truly something that exists that is the definition of pure love? Or is the thing that eluded us truly what we need? Are those who claim to have found it just partnered with those who are yet to learn that it all is a dream? Why reach out when your vulnerability simply makes you look the fool.

“I am a rock in the raging sea. “I begin to mumble. “No one shall destroy me. I stand alone.”

But in my fortress of solitude a truth creeps into the cracks. It is through human connection that we learn most of our life’s lessons. Often by laying naked together we see the truth about each other; we learn how to deal with our doubt, fear and yes even desperation. Our starving being feeds on moments of understanding and acceptance.

But oh the risk! Oh the possibility of re-opened wounds!

But when was learning ever truly safe? The journey to first flight truly began with the first crash. And yet humankind eventually flew and flew well.

Can I break down these walls in a day? Walls carved by my own hands. Can I bare my soul in all its beauty and ugliness again? Can we all?

Sometimes it is possible. But more often than not, the healing takes time filled with steps forward, backward, sideways, and sometimes we may even trip and fall.

Why then do you we get up again? What motivates us to do so?

The final words of a fallen anti-hero ring true “It is far better to have loved than to not have loved at all”. What is life if we never dare to soar close to the sun?

Icarus dared and fell to his death. But in those brief moments of flight, he lived.